Morgancola

Anonymous asked: Who is Kortney?

A lot of anons like to ask who a lot of people are eh? Hah, no but anywho, if you couldn’t tell…I’ve been putting this question off for a while now. This is because I’ve been thinking about it. Not so much who she is, because I know that much..but how to explain any of it in a way that you could possibly understand or get the slightest feeling for who she is.

Kortney is one of the sweetest, most genuine girls in this world. She doesn’t have many words to say all the time, but her smile..her laugh, her eyes, are all enough to keep you guessing. She makes me wonder what is going on in her head a lot. She is so mysterious, it’s incredible. She owns the prettiest smile, the most beautiful eyes, the softness hair,(with an undercut to die for), the sweetest voice..everything she does and says is golden to me.

But with something this good..bad lurks. I was the bad. I hurt her. I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life, I left her. I left all of that perfection for someone that was surely not worth it. Honestly, I did it out of fear. Anywho, I spent ever moment struggling to be okay with myself after that. The person I left her for..ended up leaving me, her reason being that “I am hung up on that girl.” That girl being Kortney. I couldn’t really argue with that. I was. And was always going to be. I couldn’t change that. And I didn’t stop her from leaving either, because I didn’t really accept her back into my life in the first place. But while I was going through..whatever it is that you want to call it..basically when I wasn’t talking to Kortney anymore..I couldn’t be happy..I couldn’t have a genuinely good time anywhere, I couldn’t listen to “Call Me Maybe” without crying, I couldn’t help but hesitate when someone asked “And how are you?”..and I mean I guess it all makes sense now, I know why I couldn’t do any of those things. Kortney is perfect and deserves the best. And I did something far from good to her, that’s why I struggled with myself after that. Kortney was a main reason for my happiness, and that’s why it was so hard to be happy. And Kortney basically equals Call Me Maybe. And when people asked how I was, I hesitated because I wasn’t good, I was far from it. I won’t make the same mistake twice though, I can tell you that much. Not talking to her hurt intensely. Too much to bare. And I hope to never feel that again. She has decided to let me in again. And I know I’m not worthy of that. I know I have a lot to prove and a long way to go. I also know I’m not even close to ready for relationships, but there is no other person I would want to figure it out with besides Kortney. When I’m scared of what is going on in my life, when I’m excited about something big or even something silly, when I’m worried about what is going to happen, or anxious for anything, when I’m doubtful in myself, my life, my family, my faith or anything for that matter..I just want her there. And I don’t know if she is fully aware of that yet..of how wanted she is by me all the time, and in all of those different ways, but she is. And I don’t know if she is willing to let me in deep enough be able to go there easily, but if time is what she needs, she has an infinite amount. If it is patients from me that she needs, I will wait here forever. If it’s understanding, my heart and mind are open. If it is comfort, I’ll always be standing here for her with my arms open. And if it is all of these things, then that is exactly what I will be. Anything and everything she needs. What I’m trying to say is..

Kortney is the girl I love.